matcha latte on a rainy night

There’s a German term, “ankommen,” which loosely translates to “to arrive,” but it’s so much more than that. It’s tricky to find the perfect English equivalent because it’s about a sensation, a state of being where everything in life just feels right. You’re content, at peace, and everything has fallen into place just as it should. This isn’t an official definition, but it’s how I understand and would use the word. Lately, I’ve been acutely aware of the absence of this feeling in my life, this sense of “ankommen.” I find myself yearning for it and wondering when it will finally feel like I’ve ‘arrived.’

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s this deep-seated yearning for a moment when I can just stop searching, stop striving, and simply be where I’m meant to be. Generally, I’m content with life – I have a fulfilling job, I’ve recently completed my degree, and I’m surrounded by wonderful friends. Yet, there’s this nagging sense that something’s missing, that the feeling of truly ‘arriving’ hasn’t found me yet. A significant part of this, I suspect, is a growing realization that my chapter in Switzerland, the place I’ve always called home, might be drawing to a close.

Naturally, I find myself wondering if there’s a way to fast-track that elusive sense of ‘arriving.’ Moving abroad isn’t a guaranteed ticket to fulfillment, but something tells me it might edge me closer. I’m a planner when it comes to life changing decisions – I don’t believe in rushing into things. I’ve got a solid plan in place, aimed at securing financial stability and wrapping up my life here smoothly, so I can transition into my new country with ease and comfort.

Sometimes, I think that “ankommen” feeling might just click into place when I meet my special someone. Lately (and yes, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking), as I enjoy my time in Ireland with my friend, I’ve caught myself daydreaming about returning here with a partner. I long to share the beauty of Ireland with them. As I drive along these Irish roads, music up, singing along, I can’t help but picture doing all this with my person by my side. Cruising down the winding lanes, the fresh Irish breeze in our faces, taking in the lush scenery, our favorite songs playing, singing at the top of our lungs, hands intertwined – that’s the kind of moment I feel would truly embody “ankommen” for me.

I could spend ages pondering why that “ankommen” feeling eludes me, but the truth is, there might not be a clear-cut answer. It could be because I’ve dedicated the past few years to personal growth, and things are gradually aligning as they’re meant to. I’m not suggesting that my journey of self-improvement is complete – it’s an ongoing process that never truly ends. However, the self-work and healing I’ve engaged in have certainly shifted my outlook. I’m generally at peace with myself, though, like anyone, I have my tougher days (as you might remember from earlier posts). But it’s through this inner work and mending past hurts that new questions arise, like what I truly desire in life, its greater purpose, and when I might finally experience that sense of “ankommen.”

Just to be clear, not having felt “ankommen” doesn’t get me down; it’s more like a thought that surfaced while reflecting on my life. I welcome these introspective challenges – they spark my curiosity about what’s in store for me. Have you ever sensed that something good is on the horizon? That’s the vibe I’ve been feeling lately, almost like a premonition that “ankommen” is within reach. For the past few weeks, I’ve had this inkling that my upcoming travel adventure holds something special for me. It’s hard to explain – it’s not something specific, just a gut feeling. Sure, I could be off base, but I don’t think it’s merely the excitement of travel that’s stirring this sensation. “Something good” could mean anything: a meaningful encounter, unforgettable memories, discovering a new favorite dish, an enriching experience, or even just some quiet time in a café in a bustling city. I’m not sure what it will be, but I’m convinced that a positive change is coming, and I have a hunch it will contribute significantly to my sense of inner peace.

Here I am, nestled in a cozy blanket on a cabin couch in the heart of Ireland, my laptop perched on my knees. Outside, sheep roam carefree and the sun is slowly lifting the fog. It’s moments like these that make me ponder why I’ve been so fixated on the feeling of “ankommen” lately. As I sit here, I can’t help but feel a sense of anticipation for what life has yet to reveal, and I’m ready to embrace that feeling of arrival when the time is just right.