My fellow matcha lovers (or coffee, tea, or soda, we’re an inclusive bunch here 😉), I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying your summer, wherever you’re reading from on this globe.
It’s been a whirlwind few weeks on my end. Between concerts, festivals, and trying to stay afloat at work, life’s been full. Oh, and of course, the not-so-small matter of planning my move to Korea. Let me tell you, the amount of admin stuff that goes into it is wild. But if you know me, you know I’ve got my beloved to-do list in hand. Nothing can throw me off. Okay. Let’s see how long that confidence lasts. Life tends to surprise me.
Anyway, this post isn’t about concerts or moving updates. This one’s more of a quiet check-in. A little heart-to-heart. If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’ve talked about my health journey before. And by health, I mean both physical and mental. This time, the focus is a bit more physical, but the emotional side is definitely still in there.
Since I started tracking macros and staying consistent at the gym, I’ve lost quite a bit of weight. More than I ever expected, honestly. And while I know it takes a lot of discipline and commitment, it hasn’t felt like a burden to me. Past me would probably be shocked at how steady I’ve been. That’s not to say it’s been easy, especially not with the constant “food noise” that creeps in. And just to be clear, this is a no-judgment zone. Everyone’s journey is different. If you need help through medication or other tools, that doesn’t make it less valid or less strong.
If you’re on your own wellness journey right now and doubting yourself, please know, I see you. It’s okay if progress is slow. It’s okay if you miss the gym for a week. It’s okay if some days just don’t go as planned. Balance really is everything. And you’re doing better than you think. 🙂
But here’s where it gets real: these past few weeks, body dysmorphia has been louder than usual. Most days, I struggle to see my progress. I look in the mirror and feel like I need to hide. Cover my thighs, my arms, avoid certain outfits. I’ve caught myself thinking I need to “try harder.” And on those days, I just don’t feel beautiful. Or attractive. Or enough. I don’t have a fix or a solution right now. And that’s okay. I’m just trying to ride the wave without spiraling. Some weeks, you just don’t like what you see in the mirror and I’ve learned that it’s okay to admit that.
But between us? The hardest part and the biggest comfort both come from the people around me. Especially two girls who’ve become pillars in my life.
One of them, my lavender friend, aka Boboki (yes, we love a good nickname) has been with me since day one of this journey. She hypes me up like no one else. I send her the most random selfies. Yes, even those tragic 5am gym ones, and she still manages to make me feel seen. Lately she’s been saying things like, “This year has been your glow-up,” and “I’m proud of you.” And I don’t even know if she realizes how much those words mean to me. They remind me I’m not in this alone. That someone is always cheering for me, no matter what.
Then there’s the other girl. We haven’t even known each other that long, a little over a year, but somehow it feels like forever. She’s one of those rare people who just gets it. She’s kind, grounded, and pure-hearted in a way that makes you feel safe. I remember we were sitting somewhere in London, and I was feeling like a hot mess, sleep-deprived, in my worst outfit, definitely not feeling cute, when she looked at me and casually said, “Damn, you have beautiful eyes.” And I, of course, deflected. Gave her a compliment back. And she just gave me the look. The one that says, “Accept the compliment, you dummy.” (Which, fair.)
So yeah. It’s a constant battle. I don’t always love my body. I don’t always feel confident. But these two girls and my other friends? They help. Their love, their support, their unfiltered kindness, it makes the hard days easier. It reminds me that I’m more than a reflection. That I’m still growing. Still worthy. Still enough.
And maybe if you’re reading this and feeling the same way, this can be your reminder, too. You’re not alone. You’re allowed to have hard days. And there are people out there who see you, just as you are.
matcha latte on a rainy night 