If you’ve been following along for a while, you’ve probably gotten a pretty honest look into my thoughts – the ups and downs, the self-doubt, the dreamy moments. I write about life, love, places that feel like home, and all the in-betweens. And today’s one of those reflective ones again. I’m currently sitting in a little café somewhere in Shanghai, notebook and pen in hand, feeling all old school and weirdly grounded. But by the time you’re reading this, I’ll already be back home. And this time, I know exactly where this post is going.
Lately, my feeds have been full of videos of people feeling stuck. Comparing themselves to others – friends, family, strangers online – and wondering if they’re doing life “right.” And it hit me, because I was just having the exact same thoughts not too long ago, after catching up with a bunch of friends. Everyone’s on their own journey – planning weddings, getting engaged, growing their families, buying homes. Literally building their futures in front of my eyes. And while I was scribbling away in my notebook in that café corner, I got a message from one of my closest friends – she’s pregnant again. I smiled so big, I almost cried in public.
I love seeing the people I care about grow into their lives. Honestly. I love seeing them happy, building their futures with the ones they love. But if we’re being real here (and we always are), I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t stir something up in me. A tiny voice asking if I’m on the right path. If I’ll ever get the chance to experience that kind of life too. If I even deserve to feel this way when I’m saying I’m happy for them.
It’s that familiar wave of self-doubt. The kind that creeps in quietly and stays longer than you’d like. And logically, I know I’m working toward something big. I’ve got a plan. This year is supposed to be the year – chasing dreams, taking a break, moving across the world. Giving myself space to breathe, to reset, to explore. I want this change. I chose it. But still, that little voice. That quiet ache. I don’t feel ready to dive into it all just yet. I just noticed it. I acknowledged it. And that’s okay for now.
What I do know is that just because the people around me are making choices that feel right for them, doesn’t mean I need to be doing the same. Their timeline isn’t mine. Their dreams aren’t mine. And deep down, I’m honestly happy with the way my own path is shaping up – even if it looks a little different right now. Marriage, houses, kids – maybe that will come. Maybe it won’t. And either way, it’ll be okay. Maybe the universe has something entirely different in store for me. Something I haven’t even dared to dream up yet.
And I guess that’s what this is about – still figuring it out, together.
matcha latte on a rainy night 