I’ve had a bit of a love-hate thing with dating apps for as long as I can remember. Back in my younger days, it was all just a bit of fun (not that I’m over the hill now or anything). I’d get into a swiping groove, then inevitably get bored, scrap my profile, and delete the apps. Fast forward to three years ago, after a solid hiatus, a chat with a coworker about the ups and downs of romance got us curious about diving back into the world of Tinder and Bumble. So there we were, picking out our most flattering pics and brainstorming clever bios to get our profiles up to snuff.
Jumping back into the dating app scene was quite the thrill at first, I won’t lie. There’s something about scoping out the dating scene, especially when you’re out of town, that’s pretty exciting. And honestly, getting a match and those initial messages? It’s a rush, chatting with someone who could be, well, someone. But that buzz didn’t last long before the lows hit. It’s a bummer when you’re brainstorming clever openers only to find out they’ve unmatched you minutes later. Here’s the deal with me – I’ve never bought into the idea that guys have to make the first move. I’m all for sending that first message. Who cares about those old rules, right?
I’m going to lay it all out there. That whole getting unmatched thing really started to mess with my self-esteem. It had me second-guessing my worth, feeling like I should be grateful for even one swipe in my favour. In hindsight, that mindset was pretty toxic, but when you’re not exactly your own biggest fan, it’s easier to beat yourself up than to shrug it off and move on.
Sure, I’ve had my share of decent matches – people I clicked with, great chats, all that good stuff. But then there were those who, I guess, were just looking for someone to text, not really keen on meeting up, which wasn’t really what I was after. We’d naturally lose touch; I wasn’t interested in being someone’s go-to for killing time or a boredom cure. And yeah, like pretty much everyone else on dating apps, I’ve made some dodgy decisions – like agreeing to meet a guy at his place. Big mistake. Looking back, I realise that’s a situation I should’ve avoided altogether.
There was this one guy who really got to me. I’ll spare you the full saga for now – maybe I’ll open up about it down the line – but we hit it off big time. Similar outlooks, easy conversation, it all just flowed. But before we could meet (he lived abroad, though not too far), he dropped the bomb that he’d found someone else he clicked with better. That message stung, and even though I kept my cool (we weren’t exclusive, after all), I felt pretty gutted. During the time we were texting, I wasn’t active on any dating apps; I just wasn’t interested in anyone else. Eventually, we lost contact, but then, out of the blue, he’s back a month later (turns out things didn’t pan out with the other woman). We texted a bit, made tentative plans to meet, and that’s when it hit me – I wasn’t about to be anyone’s backup plan.
That whole experience was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I realised I wasn’t okay with being someone’s Plan B, picked up only after their Plan A fell through. I decided I didn’t want to be a second choice for anyone – because if it ever comes to that, it probably wasn’t real from the start.
Ironically, the best time I had on dating apps was during my second stint in Japan. I went on a handful of dates, each one memorable in its own right. Sure, I made a few iffy decisions, but nothing as wild as some of my experiences back home. And just between us, I think I left a piece of my heart in Japan. It’s hard to define what it was – maybe it doesn’t need a label, or perhaps it was just the overall vibe. I had a date with this guy I’d been quietly crushing on, just days before I was due to head back home. The date was great: easy conversation, he was down-to-earth and kind, and I felt so at ease with him. After dinner, we strolled through a market, chatting away. When he dropped me off and it was time to part ways, I found myself wishing I didn’t have to. We texted a little after that but eventually fell out of touch. We still follow each other on Instagram, and I catch glimpses of his life now and then. I always say he’s someone I’d hit up for a casual catch-up if I’m ever back in Japan – not expecting anything, just because I truly enjoyed his company. So, whatever that feeling was, or is, I’m still figuring it out.
My first trip to Korea was the catalyst for me to finally say goodbye to dating apps. Initially, I was all about swiping and seeing who was out there. But pretty quickly, I hit a wall – I was just over it. The endless swiping, the shallow chats, the same old opening lines – it all just wore me out. That’s when I made the call to scrap my profiles for good, and I haven’t looked back since. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a believer in love and I’m convinced my person is out there. But maybe I’m getting a bit old-fashioned because I’m starting to hope for a meet-cute that unfolds organically. Whether it’s while I’m lost in writing at a café, out exploring, or even during a workout, there are endless possibilities. So here’s to keeping the faith in romance and trusting that love will find its way.
matcha latte on a rainy night 