I’ve been seeing all these videos lately – women in their thirties sharing their stories, and a common thread is that many of them have never been in a relationship. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that society still tends to raise an eyebrow when you don’t stick to the classic script: find ‘the one’ early on, settle down, have kids, buy a house, get a pet. Life’s busy, right? Some folks are climbing the career ladder, dealing with family matters, or maybe their special someone just hasn’t shown up yet. Well, it looks like I’m joining their ranks. I’ve just hit the big 3-0, and I’ve yet to experience a serious relationship.
There was this one guy a while back – what you’d probably call a ‘situationship’ these days. It was about maybe 15 years or so ago, and I think we met at a school floorball tournament. I used to love playing floorball myself, but eventually chose to focus on scouting. He was there with his school team, and he even played on a professional team, so yeah, he was pretty good at it. I can’t quite put my finger on what drew me to him – maybe it was his positive energy, his smile, or just the sheer joy he seemed to carry with him. He was a total sweetheart.
We clicked right away, texting daily and hanging out often. We never put a label on whatever we had; it wasn’t exactly a relationship, but we weren’t just friends either. We simply enjoyed being together, and he happened to be my first kiss. That’s not something you forget, is it? As time went on, we got closer, and yes, we slept together. I fell for him, hard, and eventually, I mustered up the nerve to tell him how I felt, even though I kind of knew what his response would be. He didn’t feel the same way, and that hurt, but I was proud of myself for being brave enough to open up.
We stayed in touch sporadically but eventually drifted apart. I remember seeing him on Tinder years later and was tempted to swipe just to reminisce, but I didn’t. He was in an open relationship, and that’s just not my style. I’m the overthinking type, and I know I wouldn’t be happy or at peace with that arrangement. Every now and then, he pops into my mind. Once, while I was at university, our paths crossed, but I was too shy and preoccupied with other things to say anything. And not too long ago, I saw him at the gym. I’m not sure if he recognized me, but our eyes met a few times. Maybe next time fate throws us together, I’ll pluck up the courage to say hello. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?
That situationship was as close as I’ve come to being in a real relationship. Since then, I’ve met plenty of people, gone on my fair share of dates, and enjoyed both fun and meaningful connections. But I’ve never found that person with whom everything just falls into place, where it all feels right. So, at 30, I’ve never been in what you’d call a serious relationship, and I’m okay with that. Over the years, I’ve learned so much about who I am. I’m actually grateful for the world of dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Without them, I might still be struggling to find my confidence and sense of self. Now, I can say with certainty that I have a good grasp on what I’m looking for, what I have to offer, where my limits are, and I hold myself responsible for my choices, come what may.
As time went on, I was pretty wrapped up in my studies, kickstarting my career, and working through various personal challenges. I don’t think I was in the right headspace for a relationship back then. But things have changed – I’ve found my footing, I’m content with my career, I’ve got my own place, a circle of friends, and a life I’m proud of. Now, I feel like I’m ready to welcome someone into it.
Sure, there were lonely times during what I call my “struggle years,” but I don’t believe a relationship would have been the cure-all. Today, I’m in a much better place, both physically and mentally, and open to the idea of being with someone. I’m not on a frantic search, though. I’m on dating apps now and then, but I’m not pushing for anything. I’m just letting life unfold (which is a change from how I used to approach matches on those apps, but that’s another tale).
The person who joins my life has to add to it in meaningful ways. I’m not looking for financial support or lavish gifts; I need someone who gets that I’m independent, capable, and sometimes need my space. And I believe in giving back the same energy – I want to be a positive addition to their life too. A good relationship, in my eyes, should be effortless, built on mutual understanding, solid communication, and it has to feel right. It’s tricky to put into words, but when I think of unconditional love, I picture my grandparents’ kind of love. It was natural, comfortable, and allowed them to be themselves. Someday, I want to share that kind of love, where just a glance at my partner brings a huge smile to my face and a sparkle to my eyes.
I genuinely love my life. I cherish my solitude, the freedom to make choices without having to factor in anyone else, and the thrill of spontaneously jetting off to new places. But there are moments – quiet, introspective ones – when I can’t help but long for a special someone. Friends are wonderful, and they offer a kind of support that’s invaluable, but a romantic relationship is a different kind of companionship.
It’s in the tougher times, when I’m grappling with a panic attack or my social anxiety flares up, that I feel the absence the most. I don’t necessarily need someone to fix things, just someone to be there, to offer a silent show of empathy. Sometimes, I yearn for the comfort of a hug after a rough day, those small gestures of closeness. It’s about the physical connection, the desire for that reassuring touch from someone who means the world to you. Sharing this feels incredibly raw and vulnerable because it’s not the kind of thing I usually open up about. Sure, I could talk to my friends, but for some reason, this is the part of me I tend to keep tucked away, trying to navigate through it on my own.
I’ve definitely had my moments of wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” There was even a time when I doubted whether love was meant for me at all, like maybe relationships just weren’t part of my life’s plan. But along the way, I’ve learned that my worth isn’t tied to having a partner. I’m fully capable of doing everything on my own, and it took me a while – and some tough, introspective work – to really grasp that, especially during times when self-love didn’t come easily.
The idea that you need to love yourself before you can truly love someone else might be a bit cliché, but there’s truth to it. How can you pour your heart into a relationship if you’re not at peace with who you are? It’s even more challenging when you’re surrounded by family and friends who seem to find happiness and companionship so effortlessly. That’s when the “what ifs” start creeping in. On the days when I’m struggling, when I find it hard to show myself kindness, I make a conscious effort to shower myself with love. And you know what? It usually does the trick.
Society definitely piles on the pressure, and I remember being younger and thinking I’d be married with kids by 30. Yet, here I am, single and without children. And that’s perfectly okay. But I see how that societal expectation can weigh heavily on many women, leading them to wonder if they’re somehow at fault. So to all the women out there, no matter your age or where you are in life, I want to say this loud and clear: there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. Sometimes, life just has a different timeline in mind.
As I sit here typing this out, I’m holding onto the belief that I’ll meet my person eventually. The details – when, where, how – it’s all a mystery, but I’m not about to let go of the hope that my day will come. And when it does, I’m ready to welcome them into my life, to start weaving our stories together, and to be the partner they deserve, just as much as they’ll be the one for me.
matcha latte on a rainy night 